Haitch's Loco Salsa Review
socalguy last edited by socalguy
noun, plural locos
Definition: Slang. an insane person; maniac.
Chiliheads are a little maschocist. We like to enjoy the pain that very hot salsa brings. We can eat salsa majority the day and on most of the food we eat. I always have a jar or container of the stuff in my fridge. Here in San Diego, there are many different walks of life. With that, also comes different taste buds and different levels of spiciness everyone enjoys. I've had many different types of salsa and all have their unique taste and heat.
When @haitch said he had a higher level of hot salsa called Loco, I wanted to see if it was really hot. So, I gladly accepted the shipment and waited for the package. At this time I wasn't aware of the incoming health problems I was about to go through.
This year my wonderful son gave me an early Christmas gift. It stayed with me for a long time and I almost had to go to urgent care because of it. While I was sick I also had to work long hours which made my daily sickness misery even worse. I knew I wasn't ready to eat anything spicy, let alone salsa from Haitch.
It wasn't until a couple of days ago that the infection in my ears finally went away and I was able to hear again. I'm also not coughing up a lung and filling tissues with mucous. When the sickness was gone from my body, I was ready to try some of the Loco salsa Haitch sent me. So, I got ready and braced myself for the unknown.
I've had two types of salsa from Haitch, one was mild and was very tasty. The other was not mild but still within my range of tolerance. Both jars are now gone and I enjoyed every bit of them. Even my wife tried them and enjoyed them with me as we ate different types of foods and soups. Vietnamese noodle soup (PHO) is amazing with Haitch Salsa.
I headed to the kitchen, pulled the jar from the fridge, grabbed the bag of chips, and sat down at the kitchen table. I felt like I was volunteering to be tortured. Which, I kind of enjoy a little slap and tickle every now and then. Though, this was going to be a different kind of spanking and feathers. This was going to be torture I inflicted on myself. I asked my wife is she was daring enough to try the new batch. She shook her head and said "good luck babe, you're dumb".
I scooped the first chip filled with Loco Salsa into my mouth and began to chew on it. At first it was hot but wasn't incredibly hot. Was Haitch messing with me and gave me another batch of mild salsa? Screw it, I decided to take a gamble by taking another scoop of salsa onto a chip to eat it.
This time I could feel the heat. Parts of my tongue were on fire and I began to sweat all over my body. Luckily, I had water next to me (I forgot to buy more milk) and began to drink it to somehow wash away the fire that was in my mouth. I waited for a little bit of time to past before thinking of taking another bite. Part of me said to stop. The other side said keep going even though the pain was not going away in my mouth.
I don't know why I took another bite. I think it was that little crazy voice I sometimes hear in my head. Daring me to do things I know I will regret later. This last bite of salsa took me into a realm of pain I have never felt. This is the hottest salsa I've ever eaten. I drank all the water that was near me. The water wasn't working and I began to panic. I then remembered the freezer might have these very old Popsicles from last summer somewhere still inside. I found some and quickly stuck one in my mouth.
These Popsicles were old and had that stale freezer taste that some foods have when left in the freezer for a very long time. I didn't care, I had to calm the fiery rage that was inside of my mouth. After two of them I was able to slightly extinguish the heat and was myself again.
I recommend this salsa to only the very experience people. This is a great salsa but this is not to be taken lightly. If you do eat some, remember that I warned you. :P
Gadrah_ last edited by
@socalguy Man those salsa review are so funny I swear... I'm sure @haitch's salsa will go down in history along with Burst :) And of course, hats off to you for that very well written review, as usual !
socalguy last edited by
Thank you @Gadrah_ :) I enjoy writing and sharing them.
@socalguy Yeah, the burn takes a while to kick in, but when it does - yeah it's intense. If you can tolerate it though, you can carry on eating it. I had half a pint in a sitting. After the first few chips I was walking around, sweating, calling myself all sorts of names, and then when I realized that was as hot as it got, I carried on with another half pint..... After you get past the "this hurts" barrier, it really gets the endorphins flowing ......
I bet your sinuses are REALLY clear now :)
And if you thought Loco was intense, the batch I made for Kit & the 1 Million Burst Salsa Challenge takes it to a completely different level. Loco is 4 parts Mild to 1 part Loco Paste. The challenge stuff is pure Loco Paste. This stuff makes Loco look ultra mild. I created the challenge as a "joke", because no one was crazy enough to even try it, but despite my pleas, Kit wants to do the challenge - there is going to be an extremely entertaining livestream in about a week. And yes, if he does it - I will pay him One Million Burst.
And for anyone wanting some of my salsa, I still have some left - 25,000 Burst/pint - which at current exchange rates doesn't even cover my shipping costs - you're basically getting the Salsa for free, with me subsidizing shipping. And as @Kitsune or @socalguy will tell you, the stuff is robustly packed - but if a jar does get broken in transit, I'll replace it at my cost. Just PM me quantity and flavor - Mild, Not Mild, Loco. The challenge variety is not available, I only made two jars of it, and the remaining one is going to @Kitsune for the challenge.